Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
