How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
