He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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