This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
