So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
