tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
