allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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