I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
