Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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