And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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