Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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