Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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