How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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