On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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