I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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