Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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