I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
