If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
