butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
