I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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