Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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