so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
