I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
