dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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