Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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