omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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