sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
