Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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