You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
