There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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