So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
