There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
