i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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