im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
