I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
