I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
