i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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