i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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