Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
your room smells of hookers.
And success
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
