Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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