i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
