He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize