On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
