this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
