Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
