you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
