I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
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the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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