I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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