i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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