Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
