i can't believe i had my finger in that
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
