If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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