I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
