omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
