just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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