Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
