And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
ok first of all what the fuck
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
