and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
