His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.