this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.