seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?