Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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