Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds