She's allergic to latex.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I forgot wine drunk hurts