I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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