Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize