I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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