Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
