help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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