I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
