Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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