look no pants
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
