just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
