Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
