God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I will pee on everything he values.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
