My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
