By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
